awkward

 

Awkwardness is such a tender thing. We think we want to be in the position always of supreme confidence and self-assuredness. Certain of what to do next and how to do it. Expertly in control of the situation at hand. But I am finding that it’s most often in moments of awkwardness that doors open through which magic and beauty may enter, introducing us to something greater than we knew before. Something unimaginable just because we didn‘t know what to do next. Relinquishing control and embracing not-knowing are the vehicles that get us there.

But we’re smart, smug, and stubborn and don’t relinquish easily, and so life presents us with moments of awkwardness. Timid first kisses with someone really special. Bungled first days of work at the job we’ve always dreamt of. Hesitant arrivals into a foreign country where we don’t speak the language. Trembling hugs shared with one soon to depart.

And clumsy new parents bringing home their firstborn child.

So often we do everything we can to stay in our comfort zone, forgetting the inherent gifts that being an awkward beginner bestows.

 

~Cynthia

PS Anyone reading/viewing this should note: I will do a great deal of rationalizing in this journal for how my images render online. Since I shoot film, most of time I am simply scanning from paper 4×6 proofs, and imagination is often needed to visualize the way the print looks in real life. These type of images in particular, with their heavy backlight and great contrast, are difficult for me to scan. The light in this client’s kitchen was so fascinating to work with, and all of the prints from this series came back from the lab with the most ethereal glow and detail in both the highlight and shadow areas. I was pleased.