she who dwells within

 

I don’t photograph kids for a living just because they’re cute. I don’t photograph them because parents adore their offspring and have a tendency to spend large sums of money on portraits of them if the photos are at all good. I certainly don’t choose to photograph kids because it’s easy………as most often it plainly isn’t. They march to their own drummer at all times, and it’s this fact that makes capturing their raw unbridled beauty as rewarding as it can be downright challenging.

I love photographing children because I see them as little messengers of truth. Every single one of them is carrying a vital piece of information about the secret of life. We as adults still hold this information within ourselves as well, although it’s usually buried so deeply we’ve lost access to it, or at least we think we have. So I observe and photograph children…….attempting to reclaim “she who dwells within“.

I photographed this little girl for the first time a year ago. She had just turned two and all my antics for trying to engage a child proved to be no match whatsoever to her intense will and desire for freedom. The shoot with her felt as if I was on an exotic safari where there would be these lightening fast flashes of a most beautiful and elusive creature that I could never get close to. It seemed that my photographing her was akin to taming her, and she would have no part of it.

Now she is three, and while slightly more cooperative than the year prior, she nonetheless still exuded the most defiant demeanor, and the safari was on again. The chase was almost intoxicating for how much I wanted just one true image of “she who dwells within“.

In the end I am pleased to say there were a nice variety of images that appeared worthy of all the trouble of the hunt, and I was much more successful than I’d been the year prior, if pretty pictures can be considered a measure of success. But as I already mentioned, I don’t photograph children merely because they’re cute.

She’d been running from me, teasing and showing me all the ways she could stick out her tongue and contort her face in not so photogenic ways. She was toying with me, leading me off the beaten path were we’d began and farther into the jungle, all the while looking back to see if I was still with her.

Then she stopped briefly to catch her breath, and I got this final shot of her……frame 36A. I was a bit winded myself and hoped to remain steady enough to keep the image sharp. I could feel my heart beating rapidly and worried that my over-excitement would disturb the delicate mood. There was something in this moment that was like no other before and for once I would like to avoid immersing a feeling in a sea of words that will surely not adequately describe it. I will hope instead that somehow her expression may tell my story and convey the power and passion of “she who dwells within.”

 

~Cynthia