groundless
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I believe that most everything we attempt to do while on this earthly journey is in an almost desperate effort to keep solid ground under our feet. Our actions and our words and our very persona all constantly working to construct a concrete foundation for our lives to settle upon. We want people to like us…….no, we want them to love us. We want to be considered funny and attractive and smart and so together. We want work that may define us as successful. We want a lifestyle that is comfortable and secure. We want to “fit in” somewhere within a family or a group. All of this the result of an inner desire we all share to rest our feet on tangible ground and feel our place is real and impenetrable……that we ourselves are real.
And then something explodes and the ground that we thought was so solid and sure below our feet crumbles and breaks apart. The unthinkable has happened and we plummet. We experienced this collectively on Sept. 11th, 2001, but it happens quietly and often obscurely every single day to someone somewhere. Life as it was is over. The gig is up, and there’s no reason to keep up pretenses any longer. We discover there is no such thing as solid ground after all.
What then? What do we do when everything we’ve been working so diligently to protect cannot in fact be protected? What do we do when the world we thought we were creating no longer exists?
Certainly we grieve for the loss of our dream. We beg and plead and negotiate for a return to innocence. We mourn the shattered illusions. We may rail out against God for allowing such devastation to occur. After a good while of this though, we are left with a knowing that we must rebuild……..but how?
I’m currently trying to sort all this out in my own mind, and am filled with more questions than answers, but I’m hopeful nonetheless. I think when one feels the ground beneath them suddenly shifting and breaking away, the key is learning to be okay with the confusing sensation of groundlessness. And realizing that any rebuilding that takes place, needs to be done from the inside out.
A couple of weeks ago I bought Alexi Murdoch’s CD “time without consequence”……what a wonderful voice he has, and such meaningful lyrics to the songs he sings. I’ve been listening bunches to him, and today listened to the song “Wait” maybe 22 times, as it speaks so clearly to where I am currently.
~Cynthia
Feel I’m on the verge of some great truth
Where I’m finally in my place
But I’m fumbling still for proof
And it’s cluttering my space
Casting shadows on my face
I know I have the strength to move ahead
I can hardly leave my room
So I’ll sit perfectly still
And I’ll listen for a tune
While my mind is on the moon
And if I stumble
And if I stall
And if I slip now
And if I should fall
And if I cant be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me?
Cause everywhere I seem to be
I am only passing through
I dream these days about the sea
I always wake up feeling blue
Wishing I could dream of you.
~Alexi Murdoch
