song
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~Gloria Naylor
Isn’t the above a most wonderful thought? I stumbled across it just the other day and it reminded me of a commitment I made to myself several years ago. I was feeling rather lost and disconnected back then, having spent a lifetime as an obsessive people-pleaser with little self-confidence. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t really a case of low self-confidence since I was always certain I could rise to any task on behalf of someone else. Instead it was more a matter of low self-worth. When it came right down to it, I didn’t think that *I* was worth this same consideration.
I remember feeling hollow in those days. Not especially sad or mad or glad…….just hollow. And then there came a moment when I allowed myself to just sit and notice how the hollowness felt and what lay beneath it. It was a bit scary at first facing my insecurities in this way and looking at myself so nakedly. But after some time of doing this the thought came to me: Don’t die, Cynthia, with your song buried inside. I realized then I wasn’t hollow after all.
So I resolved to pay more attention to how I felt, and to try my best to follow the good feelings and learn to say no to the things that didn’t feel so good. This is often easier said that done, especially for one who’d believed for so long that my identity was all about being kind and sweet and accommodating. I abhor narcissistic behavior and it’s taken me a long time to learn the difference between that and the healthy kind of selfishness that recognizes if I don’t look after myself and tend to my desires I truly don’t have anything to offer anyone else.
What would you love to do even if no one noticed your efforts or cared? What comforts you in your aloneness? What excites you that isn’t dependent on any prerequisite conditions being met first? There is where the seed has been planted that has only waited for you to water and nurture it into a song.
Every one of us has a story worth telling. It doesn’t matter what form of expression we use to convey our story. It really doesn’t matter how many people ever even hear our story. It’s not about numbers or size or fame and fortune. What matters is taking the time and care to discover where our story resides within us. And once located, to passionately and fearlessly embrace it, rollick around with it in joy, and finally swing open the cage doors and let it soar into a song.
~Cynthia
