what may come
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basic principles, we can greet the future and the
transformation we are undergoing with the understanding
that we do not know enough to be pessimistic.
~Hazel Henderson
Like so many others, I’ve been forced to let go of things I wasn’t ready to let go of. Not things as in objects……but people, ideals, hopes and dreams. I’ve not done this gracefully, and just as writer Anne Lamott has been quoted as saying, “every single thing I’ve let go has claw marks on it, so it’s not my strong suit”. I feel things so passionately and then confuse the immensity of this feeling for certainty. And that is what ultimately messes me up. Time and again I’m humbled by the renewed realization that there is no certainty, and getting caught up in the “rightness” of how I feel something should play out is almost a guarantee that it will turn in another direction.
I don’t think this is life playing a cruel trick on me, but rather it is life forever teaching me that we are evolving beings, and our very growth and expansion requires us to remain fluid. I don’t like this idea a lot of the time, so often looking for solid ground to latch on to. Which I suppose would explain why the lesson keeps coming back to me. I’d save myself a whole lot of grief by finally “getting” this, and letting go of the arrogance within me that thinks I can outsmart destiny.
Where does this leave a daydreaming girl whose heart has been repeatedly broken and whose spirit is sometimes weary? Do I fear what may come because I understand impermanence? Do I not allow myself a new dream because of the heightened awareness that it may never actually materialize?
Last night I went out for a run after dark and the wind was blowing the clouds and tops of the tall trees in the most dramatic fashion. The bright moon illuminated the scene and it was like a beautiful romantic ballroom dance in the sky. When the breeze caught the fragrance of nearby blooming jasmine (one of my favorite scents) and carried it in my direction I was nearly overcome with the perfection of the universe. I selfishly felt as if it was all put there in that moment just for me.
It was when I returned home that I remembered the quote above. And it’s true, I don’t know enough to be pessimistic. I don’t know what or who might be waiting around the corner for me. So I may as well dream big and imagine the ride to be exhilarating and breathtakingly wonderful, just like the ballroom dance in the sky last night.
~Cynthia
