come back

 
As I was writing yesterday’s journal entry the phrase “come back” stayed with me and has replayed itself in my head over and over ever since. I even spoke it out loud a few times and as I did those two small words felt like the most poignant and emotionally charged words I could imagine uttering. A scene suddenly appeared in my mind from the movie “Titanic”, when Rose was floating in the frigid water and repeating “come back” in the weakest most breathy voice, desperate for a lifeboat to turn around and rescue her.

It was when I remembered that tiny portion of a big movie that I understood why the phrase “come back” has held me captive as it has. I’ve been like Rose most of my life, breathlessly calling out for a lifeboat that isn’t coming. I thought it was a person. I thought it was a place. I thought it was God. And then I came to realize there is no lifeboat. There is only me.

 
~Cynthia