going forward looking back
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and to render it more fit for its prime function of looking forward.
~Margaret Fairless Barber
I feel myself going forward while at the same time looking back. This past year turned my life so completely upside down that for the longest time I wasn’t sure what direction I was actually facing when I looked out from it all. There were no familiar landmarks, nothing at all recognizable in my sight and seemingly no place to turn for reassurance or direction. These are the times when you move only on some sort of irrepressible faith, unsure of where you’re heading but firmly aware you’ve got to keep taking steps that you hope will lead you out of darkness.
It must a natural human tendency to take that look back on the traumatic circumstances we’ve endured and come through. Is it lingering disbelief that causes one to do this? Or could it be the internal knowing that to look back with reverence at the resilience of our spirit is what can restore and renew us to go forward? I can’t be certain of anything anymore, which is undoubtedly the biggest lesson all this has taught me. For a girl who’s always prided herself on her ability to discern situations and figure people and things out, I am left with the realization that I don’t always get to know the “why‘s“.
And then something new emerges: how willing am I to go forward and live the questions?
~Cynthia
