disclosure

 

I loved photographing this young girl. It was my first time with her and she was extremely timid, moving her body awkwardly and completely unsure of what to do with her expressions. I asked simple questions in hopes of distracting her from her obvious discomfort, but she didn’t respond. Her mother and a family friend also attempted to engage her in conversation without success, and it soon became evident that she was feeling pressure, which was the last thing I wanted for her. I knew I needed to remove her from any sense of being scrutinized to continue, so asked if she and I could take a walk.

These are among my favorite moments, although it’s kind of hard to explain what transpires to make them so special to me. I am by no means a brilliant conversationalist, often struggling with casual chit-chat, so never know what it is I’m going to say as we begin. I will admit that it’s never profound and typically quite stupid. I don’t mind this at all when speaking with a child one on one though, because I want them to see me as being just as silly and awkward as they may feel.

I guess you could say that what I’m wanting to facilitate in these moments is openness with safety and acceptance. But it rarely works if I approach this as a goal oriented process. I have to feel it myself to invite it in and then forget about the pictures. I mean I’m still photographing, but that’s happening intuitively. What I’m most conscious of doing is appreciating. Yes, that’s the stuff that makes it so special. It’s being present and appreciating. Appreciating the innocent beauty of the child. Appreciating the light and lines and form, and the invisible threads holding us there together and suspending us in space just long enough to breathe it all in.

This image was made after the shoot was over. She’d gone for a swim to cool off and I was in the process of leaving when I turned back to say goodbye and decided to ask for just a couple more photographs. I truly expected her to decline, but she immediately agreed, hopped out of the pool and I shot six frames. Each image made full of appreciation for just how bravely and honestly she gave of herself to me and my camera.

~Cynthia